Is somebody gonna match my freak (hyperventilating in the corner)

Hi! I’m Jen, I write queer books. Stacks & Spoons is where I talk about books, sapphic culture, disability, and more. Subscribe for free here.

Is somebody gonna match my freak (hyperventilating in the corner,
wearing an ice hat for my migraine, illuminated by the light of my
phone as I scroll mindlessly for hours, pausing only to scream).

just kidding. mostly.

Migraines have been rolling over me like storm clouds. The relentless NYC heat, and stress caused by *gestures to the world*, have triggered a pain flare that won’t let me go. It doesn’t help that I’m chronically online, absorbing random takes and doomerism in between ADHD memes and ads for kitty litter. 

It also doesn’t help that a few people I’ve tried to talk to about my anxieties have dismissed them: Oh, you’re concerned about Project 2025? Don’t worry, it won’t happen! You’re worried about losing your rights as a queer person here on a green card? That won’t happen… quickly! (Yes, these are literal things that have been said to me and my wife.)

I’m not sure what scares me more, watching us sink into fascism like the Titanic into the ocean, or the self-proclaimed progressives who insist the water will be fine.

To combat my anxiety, I’ve been carving out more time offline. More time for art, nature, animals – as much as living in Brooklyn can allow, anyway. Our culture is obsessed with therapy speak, therapy memes, therapy influencers. But therapy can be so much more than sitting in a room with another person and talking.

I would never suggest hobbies and creative pursuits as replacements for professional help and medication (which I also use), but they have been doing wonders for my mental health lately.

The world feels made of sharp edges. Every day something new comes along and pulls the rug out from under us. We need to make our own soft places to land.

Here are some soft places I’ve been landing lately…

Kittens

Recently I visited a new cat cafe and non-profit and played with kittens for an hour. A little black kitten named Bacon stole my heart and if my wife wasn’t with me to be the responsible one, I would have brought her home. I will thrive on the dopamine of the experience for weeks. Cheaper than therapy, the same amount of time, and a lot more fun. 10/10 would recommend!

Books.

I still don’t read as much as I want to (will I ever?) but when I do, it calms me like nothing else. There is so much quiet joy in sitting in a cozy corner with a good book, a good drink, and a good cat. 

Plants.

I have finally figured out how to keep plants alive. Caring for them every day has become a favourite hobby of mine. Learning what they need to thrive – how much sunlight, water, humidity, etc – has made me think differently about how I take care of myself, too.

Art.

I finally framed something I brought home from Australia months ago. It’s a small print of my favourite Australian painting – The Pioneer, by Frederick McCubbin. Seeing it every day reminds me of home.

But I haven’t just been framing art, I’ve been making it. Trying my hand at ceramics for the first time, learning as I go, and making a lot of mistakes. Normally, my perfectionist tendencies mean I get frustrated if I’m not instantly great at something new, but I’ve been trying really hard to just have fun. Some projects cracked and broke, but others turned out beautifully.

Action.

Action is the antidote to despair. There are many seemingly small things we can do to make someone else's day feel a little softer. Wear a mask in public. Add food or water to your community fridge – see if there’s one near you with the Fridge Finder App. Support Operation Olive Branch. Go to Mutual Aid Hub and find local mutual aid groups to join.

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Previously, on Stacks & Spoons…

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And now, for the Harry (& Gemma!) of the Week!

A rare photo of Harry and Gemma together! Chilling, relaxing, all cool. *sunglasses emoji*