This is the monthly round-up of Stacks & Spoons, where I share the books, trends and headlines that caught my attention this month, plus snapshots from my daily life. If you enjoy it, make sure to subscribe here.
To my friends who are Justin Timberlake fans, I love you. I’m about to tear your boy to shreds, but I love you.
Earlier this week, Britney Spears posted a photo of Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon with the caption:
"I wanna apologize for some of the things I wrote about in my book. If I offended any of the people I genuinely care about, I am deeply sorry. I also wanted to say I am in love with Justin Timberlake’s new song 'Selfish' 🌹 It is soo good and how come every time I see Justin and Jimmy together I laugh so hard ??? Ps 'Sanctified' is wow 🤩 too.”
Now, Britney can do whatever the hell she wants. She can post what she wants, apologize to who she wants, and compliment who she wants. But when I saw that post, I was pissed at whoever made her feel like she owed Timberlake anything.
It reminded me of the times I’ve apologized when I shouldn’t have. When I was hurt but just wanted to keep the peace. When I didn’t want to hurt the person who had caused me harm.
How many women have apologized for voicing their truth just to keep the peace or assuage unearned guilt?
After a couple of days, I wasn’t thinking about Britney’s post anymore because there’s more urgent shit going on in the world (have you called your reps today?).
But then Justin Timberlake went and did something so tacky and gross that it riled me up all over again.
On stage, while performing a free birthday concert, he said “I’d like to take this opportunity to apologize to absolutely f*cking nobody!” And then went right into Cry Me A River, which we all know is about Britney.
The most awkward part about JT’s outburst isn’t that he took Britney’s olive branch and threw it back in her face. It’s that he said it 20 years to the day that he exposed Janet Jackson’s breast during their performance at the Superbowl halftime show. Janet was vilified and blacklisted, losing record deals, movie deals and more. She was banned from the 2004 Grammys, where Justin performed and won awards. JT weathered the storm and came out with his career and reputation thriving, while Janet Jackson has been punished for it ever since.
In Britney’s recent memoir, The Woman In Me, she shared her side of their relationship and how she felt he painted her as a “harlot” after their breakup. We learned about the abortion she had because Justin “wasn’t happy about the pregnancy,” how he strummed his guitar as she writhed in pain on the bathroom floor (major Ken ick moment), and the times he cheated on her. She admitted that she did kiss someone else while they were together, but only as retaliation.
Spears wrote about her heartbreak, and how JT’s ongoing public slut-shaming caused further pain - especially the video for Cry Me A River, which featured a Britney lookalike. He had control of the narrative: America’s boy band heartthrob was a victim; America’s pop princess was a cheating whore.
Janet and Britney were both reviled by the press and the public, causing them professional and personal harm. And for both, it started with Justin Timberlake – intentionally or not.
When the #FreeBritney movement began, Justin apologized in a 2021 Instagram post. In the post, Justin spoke about the flawed industry, his privilege, taking accountability, and mentioned Britney and Janet specifically. (That post has since been deleted.)
On his latest visit to SNL, Justine was the musical guest but managed to push his way into Dakota Johnson’s opening monologue (along with fellow annoying white man Jimmy Fallon). It was scripted, but also completely in line with Timberlake’s pattern of leeching off of women in the spotlight, dropping that he’s hosted the show 5 times.
If this was the only time he’s tried to overshadow a woman, I wouldn’t say anything. But he has a history of this behaviour, from speaking over SZA (and calling her “sis”) on Ellen, to repeatedly photobombing women on award show red carpets – including his wife.
Justin Timberlake can’t shine by himself, so he steps in front of the brightest women, then claims their glow as his own.
He can’t stay relevant on his own, so he attaches himself to famous women and uses them to prop himself up.
At the 2003 BRIT Awards in London, Timberlake performed with Aussie icon Kylie Minogue. He groped her butt during the performance, something he reportedly asked permission to do before the show, but Kylie said no. Not only did he grope her anyway, but he bragged about it afterward, saying, “I didn't just touch it—I copped a feel. On a scale of one to 10, it was like a 58.” A few days later, while presenting an award at the 2003 Grammys, Timberlake asked Minogue in front of the crowd and global TV audience, “Can I grab your ass again?”
I used to be a JT fan. I loved his music, I was a teen when he and Britney reigned supreme. I grew up believing the sexist tabloid headlines of the early 2000s, I read the gossipy, slut-shaming stories in my teen magazines, internalized all of it, and repeated all of it. I’m not innocent in this. I tried to hit those high notes in Cry Me A River just like everyone else. I laughed at his class clown antics too.
I’m in my mid-30s now. I’ve met enough Justins (of all genders) to recognize douchery when I see it.
But I’m not writing all this just to drag one obnoxious dude.
Timberlake’s latest on-stage antic serves as a great example of something women (and other marginalized folks) deal with all the time. We are made to feel like we need to apologize for sharing our lived experiences, while the people who do the most harm get to keep stepping all over us scott-free. And if they’re ever called out on their shitty behaviour, they act like they’re the victims.
Too many marginalized folks never speak out because they are afraid of not being believed or that they will face retaliation. So many of us keep our trauma shut inside from shame. Britney has shown an immense amount of courage over the last few years as she fought her conservatorship, her abusive father, regained her independence, and now shared her story – all while the world watched.
After Justin’s tacky tantrum at his concert, Britney deleted her olive branch post and replaced it. Her new post features a photo by photographer Hang Hee Kim of a basketball net with the moon in the sky behind it, angled so that the moon seems to be falling through the hoop like a slam dunk. Her caption says it all:
“Someone told me someone was talking shit about me on the streets !!! Do you want to bring it to the court or will you go home crying to your mom like you did last time ??? I’m not sorry !!!”
Cut to me fist-pumping the air and yelling “YES BRITNEY!” at my phone.
January Wrap Up!
Stacks…
Books I read this month:
Interesting Facts About Space by Emily Austen
Before The Coffee Gets Cold by Toshikazu Kawaguchi
Cleat Cute by Meryl Wilsner
Naomi Osaka: Her Journey To Finding Her Power And Her Voice by Ben Rothenberg (Thank you to Dutton for gifting me a copy of this book!)
Screen time…
What I’ve been watching:
Deadloch
Yes, this show still has me in its wild lesbian clutches. ICYMI, I wrote about it here.
Death And Other Details
Mandy Patinkin is a world-famous detective on a cruise ship with the elite when a murder happens. Come for Mandy, stay for the stunningly stylish production design.
A Murder At The End Of The World
Sensing a theme in my viewing habits, perhaps? This is another murder show with a small cast of elites set in an isolated location – this time in magical Iceland.
Sound on…
What I’ve been listening to:
A recent episode of Offline featured a great interview with Yellowface author R. F. Kuang. You can listen to a clip from the podcast above.
Chronic and iconic…
Reads from around the internet:
“America is a homicidal falsehood that only serves people who are white enough, healthy enough, straight and cis and wealthy enough to survive it.”
COVID Isn’t Going Anywhere. Masking Up Could Save My Life.
“The messaging is obvious from the top all the way to the local level: The pandemic is not deadly and getting COVID is just a mild flu for “normal” people because that’s just how hypercapitalism, racism, eugenics, and ableism work.”
What Lily Gladstone’s Historic Oscars 2024 Nomination Means for Native Americans
“…proper industry appreciation for Indigenous storytelling is long overdue…But with her historic awards season run, Gladstone is changing that.”
Abolishing Australia Day: A Call To Action And Reflection On Legacy
“The struggle to abolish Australia Day is rooted in the fight against the Australian government for its continual failure in regards to First Nations people.”
“Who benefits from us constantly guilting ourselves out of feeling even the smallest inkling of joy?”
For 2024, how about living a truly quiet life?
“…the quest for a quiet life is really about attention, and how to direct it. It’s about intellectual and emotional energy, and where to expend it.”
I saw Justin's performance and idiocy of taking over Dakota's monologue (planned or not it was stupid). But I only saw Britney's most recent social post (and I assumed who it was to). But I had NO IDEA of what happened before. What a man baby - Justin is truly a great example of "Why Men?" even though we know EXACTLY why, and he knows his tired brand cred ran out years ago, as he clings with desparation to any successful woman he finds.