Hi! I’m Jen, I write queer books. Stacks & Spoons is where I talk about books, sapphic culture, disability, and more. Subscribe for free here.
Ah, the Google search. How many queers have sat nervously at their laptops, or hunched over their phone screens, fingers shaking as they type in the words, ‘am i gay/bisexual/asexual/trans?’ and held their breath as they scanned the endless pages of results.
I’ve Googled ‘am i bisexual’ more times than I can remember. First to help myself figure it out, then to double, triple, and quadruple check, and every time after to remind myself that, yes, my sexuality is valid – no matter who I was dating, what jerks on dating apps said, or whatever biphobic discourse was circulating at the time.
Being a late-blooming bisexual felt like opening a fantasy novel at the last chapter; the queer community was an incredible world that I desperately wanted to be a part of, but I didn’t know the characters, the language, the lore. I had so much to catch up on, so much to learn – and unlearn.
I’ve been a practicing queer for almost 8 years now, and in that time I’ve rounded up some resources to help baby bi’s feel a little less overwhelmed.
Let’s get into it!
Books for anyone who’s Googled ‘am i bisexual?’
Bi: The Hidden Culture, History, and Science of Bisexuality by Julia Shaw
An exploration of sexuality beyond gender from psychological scientist Dr Julia Shaw. This book is perfect for anyone wanting to learn about the history and activism within the bisexual community.
Greedy: Notes from a Bisexual Who Wants Too Much by Jen Winston
A book of essays as relatable as they are entertaining. Winston deep dives into bisexual stereotypes and erasure from the larger queer community, and shares personal stories about impostor syndrome, self-discovery, and defining yourself on your own terms.
Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto by Zachary Zane
Part memoir about Zane coming out as a bisexual man, part rallying cry to release ourselves from the way society shames sex, sexuality and desire.
Bisexual Men Exist: A Handbook for Bisexual, Pansexual and M-Spec Men by Vaneet Mehta
Borne out of the viral #BisexualMenExist campaign, this book aims to validate lived experiences of bisexual men, who are so often erased. With stories about dating, coming out, and more, it combats harmful stereotypes and creates community for bi, pan, and M-Spec men.
Life Isn't Binary: On Being Both, Beyond, and In-Between by Meg-John Barker and Alex Iantaffi
As the title suggests, this book is all about busting binaries – in sexuality, gender, bodies, emotions, and more. Western culture is obsessed with binaries, but it’s a restrictive way of looking at the world, and ourselves.
Bi: Notes for a Bisexual Revolution by Shiri Eisner
A radical manifesto that connects bisexual stereotypes to patriarchy, misogyny, and monogamy, then questions it all. This is the ultimate book on bisexual feminist politics.
Harry, pictured with my latest read, I NEED YOU TO READ THIS, kindly gifted to me by Atria Books. It’s a thriller about a young advice columnist, and it got me out of my reading slump.